Washed

I have been a gamer for about three decades. Obviously I started very casual, as all kids do, and very quickly found interest in many different genres. I actually got pretty good at some of them if I may say so myself. And I have done pretty much everything related to gaming, from conventions, to helping organize LAN parties, to leading a clan and a guild. It has truly been a wild, joyful and fun ride.

Over the first few years I played basically anything I could find and that was available on black floppy disks (and later colorful CDs) in the open waters of the school yard. There was also a Gameboy and a Super Nintendo. And over the course of three decades I played most genres, most AAA titles I found remotely interesting and also caught up with classics I could not play when they were relevant, such as the first few Final Fantasy games.

Quake 3

The first real turning point for me was the release of Quake 3. One of the first games I saved up to buy. I read every single article in every gaming magazine I could find. For the younger readers of this blog, a gaming magazine was something like a blog, but printed on dead trees. The 90s were wild, kids.

I remember popping the CD in my drive, three of my friends around the screen with me and the moment the CD key check showed up I pressed escape and,... the game worked. Within a few hours a few colorful CDs made their way through my hometown and on the same night we played the first multiplayer session. It was not just the game that got me hooked, but also being able to compete. One on one - who is better? It all came down to my own skill. And the more I could play in online lobbies or LANs the more I trained and tried to get better. I ran instagib, defraq, any mod that could help me improve.

And I got really good. I won some smaller local tournaments. I could go one versus three against my friends and come out 30:8. I recently booted up a version and to this day I can still tell you the routing and item spawn times for all the one versus one maps that were usually played. Q3tourney4 and Q3dm6 will always be my favorites.

World of Warcraft

I played WoW since US beta and I jumped on it when it was released on Germany. Grinding my way up until I understood how well quests work for leveling. Coming from Ragnarok Online (do not ask how I was able to create the account. If you know, you know) I was used to the stupidly mind numbing grind, I didn’t even question it.

While Quake 3 got me hooked on the FPS genre, World of Warcraft took over most of my time outside of school, martial arts and coding and slowly pushed FPS to the side burner. Once I was hooked I worked on getting good again. I spent countless hours in elitist jerk and simulating builds for my priest. I raided for realm firsts. I was one of eight DeathKnight tanks during heroic Firelands progress on WoL who was able to tank Baleroc. Something other progress guilds on our server declared as "impossible" until we shared the logs.

A very welcome and nice addition is the fact that I got to know my wife through WoW. But beside that the community aspect really was an experience. I am still good friends with some of the people I met during a nearly twenty year journey, friends with some more and "you just did an Asa" is frequently used in group chats.

I did not end my time on World of Warcraft on the best note, because I did not enjoy the direction the game was taking, but I will always look back fondly at this game. Even when mostly playing WoW I kept my mechanical skills decently sharp with 20 minutes aimlabs and kovaak's every other day.

Overwatch

When Overwatch was announced I was game the first minute I was invited to the play test. A new kind of FPS where not just pure mechanical skill but also game sense come together? Sign me up. I got so many hours in this game. But I mostly played with my wife and friends. I knew the meta, I followed the patch notes and all the years of mechanics carried over nicely. The amount of people claiming they reported me on Pharah in the early days always made me chuckle. Sorry you are confusing the game with Lemmings and walk out of spawn in a straight line.

I was playing on beta servers to see the map changes, meta changes and when a new hero was released that meant grinding for a few days before hopping into comp to know exactly how to play and play against the new hero that was likely too strong right after release.

I enjoyed watching Overwatch League come. I was a bit sad when I saw it go. Blizzard disintegrating and selling out, the game being ruined and players being lied to when Overwatch 2 was released... despite all of that I enjoyed my time in it, I still play it every now and then for a few hours. But during Overwatch 1 I realized I am washed.

Competing

For nearly two decades no matter which game I committed to I worked on getting the best I can. I always wanted to compete and see how far I can push my skill. I enjoyed the journey and the progress tremendously. Even if I was not able to be the best in a lobby, I always pushed and tried.

But during Overwatch 1 I slowly came to terms with the fact that I am done with this. I did not want to commit the time anymore. While rank was always a bit of an odd ball with balancing being for all ranks and weekends being full of kids who think racial slurs are trash talk, I never developed the same drive. Sure, when I was in a lobby I tried. But I never committed the time.

Till one day when I created a smurf account and ranked up to master in a few days. I hit 4010, looked at the number, closed the game and called it. That was purely for myself. No duo. No distraction. Just me proving to myself I would still have it in me, if I would commit to it.

Washed

Going further would have meant a significant time commitment I am just not willing to make. Actually I was not even willing to maintain that rank. I simply started playing with my wife and friends again, mostly quick play, because why be stuck with people who all claim they should be master, but "their team always sucks keeping them in diamond". I find it partially annoying, partially amusing. (But kids are kids and maybe they will learn how team based games work one day.)

It took me some time to realize I am washed at this point. I do not have the drive to compete at the same level I had for nearly 20 years. And this is totally okay. But it puts games into a new perspective. When I sign in to a lobby I just play the game. I try. If some people on the team start throwing I will not try to carry it - I play it out and go for the next one or sign off. If people tilt I do not try to calm them. If they throw slurs around I tell them to stop being an ass just so the other person sees there is support and I mute the whole lobby.

Back in the day I would have tried to keep the team together. To carry or grind it out. Not anymore.

Diversity

Not committing to a game to the same amount frees up so much time. Which means I can actually finish a new Resident Evil when it is being released. There is a point in watching Gamescon trailers, because I might play the games when they are available, not when they are on a $5 sale on Steam a year later.

What most of the games have in common is that they are single player games. I just play the game for fun. Medium difficulty, except Resident Evil or obviously Souls or Metroidvania games.

After realizing that I am done playing competitively, I stopped min maxing my single player games for some reason. Need a health pot? Use it. Got a few bullets? Pew pew pew, zombies die. Not the smartest move. At multiple points in my Requiem playthrough was I out of ammo, my knife stuck in the head of a zombie that was still alive and I either pulled off finding some ammo or I died, redoing the section. I was told there are people who always play games like this, highly suspicious, kind of strange. Are you all okay?

I think if I ever do anything gaming related competitively again it will be something like my new account to master run, simply to see if I still got it. No friends list, no spectators, just for me. Or I could see myself trying a glitch-less speed run one day. It could be fun learning a game I really enjoy to the degree of insanity.

I will always look back at the time I competed with fond memories. Now it is time for my washed arc. I am looking forward to see what comes next.